Self Care Saturday....

Happy Saturday ya'll. Thank you for the amazing response yesterday to the launch of the Duchess, granted it wasn't as full of pomp and circumstance as I wanted, but with having no voice for the Facebook Live it went pretty good. 

Today is Saturday, and in the land of the Duchess it is Self-Care Saturday. Today, for our first 'official' self-care Saturday we are going to explore taking care of our inner selves... our souls. This month has been kind of rough for me, I'm not gonna lie. I live with bipolar and PTSD anxiety, this is something I am very transparent about and will happily answer any questions you have, but that's not what this blog post is about. This blog post is about taking care of you. The you that makes you, you. 

 One of the things I have learned in maintaining and caring for my mental illness is that asking for help is key, nothing to be ashamed of. In the wake of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain's tragic endings we know that no one is immune to depression and other forms of mental illness. Those who suffer come from everywhere, from rich to poor, different spiritual backgrounds, gender identities... and it is a stigma that needs to be lifted. A stigma that labels us as 'crazy people', 'useless', 'addicts', 'broken'.... we are all human, with souls that yearn for happiness, that deserve happiness. Asking for help is the biggest key, yet also being a good friend and reaching out is another key to helping not only yourself, but others as well. 

I have seen Facebook littered with the Suicide Hotline this past week, the thing is, most of us don't really want to talk to a stranger who is sitting on the other side with a notebook full of written  responses to the answers of the questions they ask you. We don't want formulated psychology in our moments of crisis. We want to talk to our friends and family, we need to, it's hard to pick up the phone, we don't want to inconvenience them with our troubles. No one likes a 'Negative Nellie' we say to ourselves.We don't want to be a burden. A lot of the times many of us are depressed because we are isolated from our friends and family in some way or another. The thing is, if you sense a friend is struggling, reach out. Call them on the phone. Don't text them, call them on the phone. Just the sound of someone's voice is calming and reassuring to someone in depression. Be bold, stop by, yeah, some people don't like unannounced guests, but when you're isolated and depressed having someone care enough to show up at your door may just be the thing to break that funk. Trust me, I've been there, on both sides. 

Inner self-care is also about the relationship.... not with your significant other, or even if you don't have one,  but the relationship with yourself. Loving yourself can be hard, but it's something that needs to happen. It's not an overnight process, you don't go to sleep full of self-loathing and wake up the next morning feeling like Miss Mary Sunshine, it takes time. For one thing, don't determine your self worth based on your relationships with others, and other people's view points. Those are their opinions and thoughts on your life. Make a list of the 'positives' in your life, a list about your best features (both inside and out), a list of what makes you happy. These small steps will help you on your way to a better relationship with one's self. If you are finding it hard, perhaps it's time to find some professional help, know that there's nothing wrong with that, at all. In fact, looking for help is a step that you love yourself enough to find the help you need. 

Another thing I've discovered in taking care of my mental self is letting go of the negative and toxic people in my life. Those who manipulate and make it their mission to create drama and dissent in your life. You do not need that. Politely offer them a nugget of help (perhaps the card of a local counseling group) and then remove yourself from their path of self-destruction. Friends are supposed to lift each other up, not  break each other down with destructive behavior. 

Self-Care isn't selfish, and don't think it is such. Remember that you are an amazing human and deserve nothing but the BEST, and you should fight for it every breathing moment of your existence. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.